Dr. Phil sent me an email with a scenario he asked me to share on the blog for feedback and responses.. if you could read it over and respond as you see fit that would be very helpful..
"23 year old son who was out of home for past four years. Became disrespectful to both parents junior year of high school. Moved back into parents home as he had no where else to go. Still very disrespectful. Refuses to help around the house or obey simple requests like clean your room or take out the trash. Mom does not deal well with his disrespect. She fights back. The war is on. Mom called the police recently simply because she told him to get off the couch and go upstairs and he refused. Dad ignores the the disrespect and has a better response, but son still does not listen or obey.
Son reared in a Christian home, but not walking with the Lord today. Parents are walking with the Lord, but two different paths. They do not have the best marriage.
Mom wants to throw the son out on street in act of tough love. Dad things that is overkill.
What would you tell this family?"
Vera had me put this up for her...
ReplyDelete"My response to what Phil presented would be a compromise between Mom and Dad, present certain rules that must be met, consequences made clear or tough love initiated. Most of all, parents should get together for intense prayer (even with others, ie: pastor, Christian friends) and make these rules and consequences. Parents must present a united front and be consistent. Parents should see Christian counselor. It also seems son most likely will not go to counseling if asked, but it would help."
It seems as though Mom and Dad need to work on their response. Dad seems to avoid, Mom gets too emotionally involved in the son's issues. Either way, the real issues aren't being addressed by the parents. This ends up enabling the son's irresponsible behavior. Boundaries need to be set but kicking him out may not be the first one. However, it is one that should follow if he doesn't respect other boundaries that are put in place. This is a family system's problem and the parents have to own their part in that and get counseling to develop healthier family relationships regardless of whether the son will cooperate.
ReplyDeleteIt seems that both Steve and Vera are on the same point. Here are a couple questions:
ReplyDeleteWhat are the boundries/rules? That is where mom and dad differ.
About counseling, Dad suggested it/mom said no. What now?
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